Chris O'Donnell You Are Officially Forgiven

I don't know about you, but I tend to hold grudges for a really long time. That redhead that cut in front of me in the milk line back in Pre-K? Yep, still hate her because of it. The cashier at the grocery store who refused to use the store card that they all keep at the register when I forgot mine? Yeah, fuck her, I still won't go to her even if she has the shortest line and it's been 4 years people!

I even hold grudges against celebrities for the perceived wrongs they have wrought against me. See below examples:

Prince - changing your name to that fucking symbol and then getting mad when we blessed you with the moniker TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known As Prince). You were forgiven when you reinvented yourself, regained your name and busted out the assless, lace-embellished yellow pantsuit.

Milli Vanilli - grudge still in effect. You frauds, I will never forgive you. I felt bad when Rob died, but I can never forget the fact that you made me love 'Girl You Know It's True' and then ripped my heart in two when it was revealed that that musical genius was not you.

Enrique Iglesias - The Removal Of The Mole. Nuff said.

James Patterson - For allowing the casting of Morgan Freeman as Alex Cross. Fuckery! My sister and I had been reading those Alex Cross novels and salivating over the sexy that was described and then when we heard that they had cast Morgan Fucking Freeman...fuck we didn't eat or sleep for days amid the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. Now I know a lot of you reading this are probably like Morgan Freeman is an excellent actor and he brought a lot to the role and besides James Patterson probably didn't have any say over the casting. Yeah yeah yeah Morgan Freeman is a phenomenal actor; I don't dispute that. What I have a problem with is that when you read the book and a character is described a certain way, that's how you see them in your head as you read , when you get inside the character. I'm picturing a tall beautiful brother, a sexy, suave, sensuous intellectual and you give me Morgan Fucking Freeman??? Uh, does not compute. Also, as the owner of the Alex Cross novels you bet your ass James Patterson had a say in the casting; what the fuck was he thinking giving a thumbs up to Freeman??? It's akin to casting Shia LaBeouf as Edward Cullen! See, I saw you all throw up in your mouths at that. It just does not compute!


Tom Clancy- For allowing the casting of Ben Affleck as Jack Ryan in the Sum Of All Fears. What.The.Fuck???!!! Alec Baldwin as Jack Ryan? Fuck Yes; the Hunt For Red October is the best of the Jack Ryan films and easily one of my favorite movies. Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan? Hells Yeah, he kicked ass in Patriot Games against Sean Bean (one of the most under-rated actors ever, IMO). I don't think that we would ever have seen the Jason Bourne novels on screen if not for the Jack Ryan movies. But Ben Fucking Affleck as Jack Ryan?? What bet did somebody lose that this fuckery was allowed? See above point on James Patterson/Alex Cross.

But perhaps the biggest most extreme grudge that I have been holding for the past...wait for it...TWELVE YEARS is against Chris O'Donnell for his part in the FUCKERY that was Batman&Robin. As a fan of Batman from back in the day watching the Adam West Burt Ward TV Series and collecting the comics, watching the characters brought to life on the big screen was nerve wracking, I mean, the actors playing Batman ran the gamut, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Cloon...I can't even finish typing that it gives me hives just thinking about him in that role. The movie was awful, the plot rubbish, the acting horrendous, the costumes ridiculously anatomically improbable and Chris looked embarrassed at his own behavior. Have you ever been to a movie when you cringed and felt bad for every actor as they played their roles? That's how I felt; Arnold Schwarzenegger, George You Know Who, Chris, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, I cringed as each of them delivered some of the cheesiest, tritest drivel ever uttered. Not even Jim Carrey's Riddler could have saved this movie. This movie was so bad that it took them EIGHT FUCKING YEARS to bring the franchise back to its former glory with Batman Begins.

So, I held that grudge against Chris all these years. He started redeeming himself when he played 'McVet' on S2 and S3 of Grey's Anatomy and delivered one of the most dramatic romantic lines of all time to Mer about Der; "He'll break your heart again, and when he does, I won't be here". How's that for a character's exit line?? Bravo.

It wasn't until last night's episode of NCIS:Los Angeles that I completely absolved him of all things B&R related. This character that he plays G. Callen is one of the most subtly nuanced characters I have seen on Network TV in a long time. There is so much roiling around under his surface and I wait with bated breath each week to learn everything there is to know. First off, he's an orphan. He has no official first name; it's just a letter 'G'. Are you with me so far? He may have gotten involved with gangs in his youth before going into the service. He is a lone wolf, highly independent and a chameleon. What is endearing is that every week we get another snippet into his psyche, we see a little bit of who makes up Callen. Last week's epi where he told Heddy that he doesn't know what the G stands for that it was just G, was so poignant and sad; even Heddy felt it. She keeps dropping gems to him to make him see his 'situation' as a positive and not negative. We never pity him, we empathize with him. We see his close friendship with Sam as the older brother/best friend who he knows will ALWAYS have his back.

This week Nate the Psychologist (The Weakest Link on this show, can we Auf him NOW, please?) kept going on and on with his wannabe profile of their target and all of the negatives he was mentioning for the target were things that G had experienced and he kept throwing Callen the side-eye as he was talking like he was saying 'yeah, I'm talking about you Callen'. Yeah, Nate, as Callen and Sam summarized, ya got 'diddly squat'.

So, Chris because of this subtle, redeeming character of G. Callen, you are officially forgiven and we shall never again speak of your outlandishly laughable, anatomically ridiculous codpiece in that godawful dreck known as Batman&Robin.

Dazz