ABC- You & Me Are Fucking Done Professionally! UPDATE

You know I have to be really fucking upset if I'm quoting a line from the infamous Christian 'I Will Fucking Terminate You' Bale rant as a title for a blog post. Yes I AM FUCKING ANGRY!! Read on...

So ABC, according to you and your Disney Puppet Master, Chris Brown, a man who beat and bit the shit of his girlfriend, was charged with and plead guilty to FELONY assault, is more acceptable to appear on GMA than Adam Lambert. Adam Lambert whose only 'crime' was that he gave ABC the over the top, shock tv performance that they KNEW would draw viewers and give them the ratings they wanted.

You continue to let the world believe that Adam went all 'rogue' and did not tell ABC what his performance was going to be and therefore no one from ABC had okayed it or signed off on it. I CALL BULLSHIT!! After the Superbowl Nipplegate debacle, all tv stations kept an incredibly tight reign on their productions. especially live ones. Also, since Ryan Seacrest was the host he HAD to have known the type of provocative performance Adam was going to give. You have all hung this young man out to dry and it is reprehensible.

By canceling Adam and scheduling Chris, you now say to the world we prefer to have a convicted felon on our show than a homosexual.

...and for that ABC,YOU AND ME ARE FUCKING DONE PROFESSIONALLY!

You have lost this viewer that's for damn sure!

UPDATE!: The power of the Internet At Work!!! This just in from The New York Post's Page Six: Chris Brown will not be appearing/performing on ABC's GMA after all! ABC caved to the negative backlash it received regarding Adam Lambert's cancelation but allowing Chris a felon, to perform and promote his upcoming album on GMA.

Here's the link for the NYP P6 article.

He will now be appearing on ABC's 20/20 to give an in depth interview to tell the world why he beat the shit out of the woman he loved, but he still will NOT BE ALLOWED TO PERFORM!!!

Justice for Adam Lambert!

UPDATE: More fuckery; Adam's appearences on ABC's Jimmy Kimmell and the New Year's Rockin' Eve show have both been canceled. An ABC spokesperson said 'we decided not to move forward with the booking at this time'. Yeah, uh-huh, let me translate, 'The Rat wins and homophobia continues to spread across this country'.

Dazz

Grrr Just Fucking Say 'Thank You!'

I started out as a reader of fanfiction and if I was really impressed by a story that I was reading I would take a few minutes to write a review to tell the author what I enjoyed. I just thought that since they had taken the time and spent the effort writing for me, that I could certainly spare a few minutes to let them know what I enjoyed about their offering. Sometimes it was a comment about how funny the character was, or that I agreed with a character's reaction to a plot point, sometimes it was just to acknowledge how well written the story was.

If I started reading a story and it wasn't my cup 'o tea, then I stopped reading and moved on to one that was. I do not flame authors because I may not agree with a plot point or character behaviour/development etc. I just move on. I know that sometimes I get pissed when reading and I so don't agree with the direction of the story. I yell at my laptop and assert 'Edward is being a fucking douche', 'Bella is a complete cunt!', 'Bella is being totes uber-stupid' or 'Jesus Christ if I read another story where DiNozzo gets kidnapped and raped I am gonna lose my fucking mind!', but I just walk away from those stories and take em off alert and find something that really catches my attention and is worthy of my time.

When I started writing and publishing my own shit I realized how completely awesome and awe-inspiring it it is to receive reviews. That made me feel even better for all those times when I had taken a few minutes to show other authors some love by writing a review. It is not easy taking that first step and publishing something that you created. You know that it won't be for everyone, but you hope that someone reading it will get where you were coming from and will care about the characters and the story in the same way you do and take the time to let you know. When I got my first review (it happened to be a positive, complimentary one) I hollered and cheered like a loon; I scared the shit out of the GF and the DD (Dear Dog). It felt good. We all as authors say that we do not need validation; that my friends is Bull to the shit! It's the validation from our readers that spurs us to get the next chappy written and uploaded rapidement!

When I receive a review, I always take a minute to reply to thank the reviewer - it is basic fucking courtesy! It is me expressing my appreciation for them taking the time to tell me that they enjoyed what I created. I have been very lucky that this gesture has led to back and forths between me and the reviewer that have led to some good friendships on the multiple sites dedicated to fanfiction with my DBTN nom de plume as well as other pen names I write under.

The one thing that I absolutely abhor is when an author does not take the time to reply to a review. Seriously, one of my fave fanfic authors came up with a brilliant way of handling the overwhelming number of reviews that he (he writes as a woman but he's really a guy and I love it that NO ONE has figured it out!) was getting. He dedicates one hour every night to answering reviews. He has a word document where he has canned responses already typed up and he copies and pastes a reply to a review. If it's one of those reviews that's 'Plz update soon...I loooooove this story!', he's got a reply that says simply, 'Update coming soon! :-) '. If it's a review saying that the reader enjoyed the chapter update, he's got one that says, 'Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I'm happy that you are enjoying the story' - incidentally that is the one I came up with and use and he liked it so he totes plaged it! When it's a flame or a negative review then he's got one that says 'Thanks for taking the time for letting me know how you feel about my story.' Sometimes you get a review that is outside these scenarios and that's where he spends the time to actually free-form that response. Those are the ones that take the most time; the ones that you can tell the review put a lot of though and effort into the review.

I know that you're gonna say, well that's fine when you only receive a few reviews a day, what about those authors who received hundreds?'. That's a good point, then you go with the bucket response and Ctrl+P 'Thanks for the review!'. People will prefer this generic form letter type response than feeling as though their review was not even acknowledged.

I respect the authors who will come out in the A/N of the subsequent chapter and do a mass thank you to all who reviewed because they received hundreds of reviews and even though they tried to respond to as many as possible they couldn't reply to everybody. But the thing that gets me is the authors that DO NOT EVER RESPOND TO REVIEWS, BUT HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO BEG ME TO REVIEW THE CHAPTER!!!! Oh that fucking burns me when I see their little A/N at the bottom of the chapter...'reviews are love!' and begging me to review. Fuck You, I won't do it! Those authors do not deserve it! These are the same authors that spend ALL FUCKING DAY TWEETING INANELY WHEN THEY COULD BE USING THE TIME TO RESPOND TO REVIEWS! You know who I'm talking about! The same authors that HATE-TWEET WHEN THEY RECEIVE A LESS THAN PERFECT DEVOTIONAL REVIEW! Uggghhh....they make me burn with that shit.

They fail to realize that when you show your appreciation to a reviewer, that person will more than likely be more inclined to review subsequent chapters and stories; in short you get a reviewer for life.

I have a few authors that I follow religiously who I take the time to review their work because it's so fucking good! They always take the time to respond. It may not be the same day or the next, but I ALWAYS GET RESPONSES FROM THEM WITHIN THREE DAYS OF MY REVIEW. Basic fucking courtesy! They've got me; I'm a reviewer for life. I've got them on my Favorite Author List, their stories are favorited and alerted and hell yeah I have them on Author Alert too!

Over the last few months I have really become jaded by the blatant lack of courtesy in the fanfic world. The self-important, holier-than-thou and self-entitled attitudes are reprehensible and disgusting, but I chose to write at my own pace and only read the authors work who I truly enjoy.

I was searching through the NCIS archives and found some amazing stories from 2 to 3 years ago and I enjoyed them so much I reviewed them. The author responded a few days later thanking me for my review and said that she didn't even realize that people were still reading her stories and she thanked me for even taking the time to review, that it made her day. Ah, a symbiotic relationship - She created a story hoping that it would potentially be enjoyed by a reader. A reader enjoyed it and reviewed it to let the author know that it was a well written, thought provoking, funny etc. story. The author reads the review and is thrilled with the fact that a reader enjoyed her work. The author then responds to the review and tells the reader that they appreciated the review.

C'Mon folks, how fucking hard would it be to click on the reply url, type a few words (or Ctrl+P your canned response) and then hit submit? I can bet it's a helluva lot shorter than the time it took your reader to come up with that review that made you smile all day today.

Do the right thing authors; Just Fucking Say 'Thank You!'

Dazz

Christine Lahti...WTF???!!!

You may have noticed the complete lack of posts for one of my favorite shows...L&O:SVU and probably wondered why I wasn't showing them any love. The reason is simple; it is hard to talk about something which you once loved so unconditionally now that it's completely gone to shit. L&O:SVU was my favorite of the L&O series (with CI coming in a very close second; Robert Goren I fucking HEART you), but over the last few years it has Jumped the Shark (Rapper-eating tigers and Gibbons in basketballs...Jesus Christ it even hurt to just type that) However, because I am so invested in all of the main characters (will Liv ever find I nice man who appreciate her and will love her just as she is? Will Ellitot ever grow a pair and leave his shrew of a wife or at least use a condom so they can stop popping out band-aid babies?) I come back every season even after all of the contrived fuckery that they have given me.

Then came last season's finale and I vowed 'no more, no fucking more'. I was done. That episode was so badly written, so contrived, it seems as though the pot weasels and TPTB just threw their hands up and said 'We give up let's just throw as many cliches, twists, turns, kill off one of our most popular and hottest supporting characters, 'injure' one of our main characters and see if our stupid but loyal viewers will buy it!' and cobbled that epi together.

Okay, none of us liked that Forensic guy Stuckey from his first time on screen and we all knew that Stabler despised him and that he made no effort to hide his dislike from Stuckey, so we really weren't surprised when all the drama (I refuse to recap it, watching it once was enough for my brain) went down. The killing off of one of the hottest recurring characters Forensics Lab guy Ryan O'Halloran? WTF ? Shame on you! The fact that the writers wanted us to believe that Liv couldn't take out this stupid kid in 2.3 seconds but had to go through the whole 'I hate my partner, but let me tongue you' ploy to disarm him??? Foul! Although her slapping the shit out of El had some soft-core BDSM overtones and me likey. Killing off Emily Fucking Gilmore?? You Swine! The episode ended and we just sat and looked at each other...shellshocked...what a complete and utter clusterfuck! So that night, all 12 of us at the viewing party in Chelsea decided en masse that we were over SVU and we would not be coming back for season 11.

Fate, however, had different plans for us. Since none of us had deprogrammed SVU, our DVRs and TiVos recorded the season premier. Which we all watched grudgingly three days later. There was no mention of O'Halloran's murder, Stuckey's psychotic break and attempted murder of Elliott 'I Need To Be Shirtless More Often' Stabler. It's like it didn't happen. Is this like that whole season of Dallas that didn't happen because Pam was dreaming everything? I personally was waiting for a shot of Forensics guy O'Halloran soaping up in the shower at Olivia's apartment. WTF??

So then we see the introduction of this new EADA, who from the minute we saw her, we said 'What the Fuck has Christine Lahti been doing to her face??? Step away from the botox lady!' and then OT said, 'she's gonna be a ball-busting bitch who's gonna alienate the squad and it ain't gonna end well for her'. So the pool began as to how she would be phased out when the pot weasels and TPTB realized that immediate feedback from the fans (that shitstorm on Twitter) would be that we HATED HER a la Kim Graylik her predecessor. I had $100 for Episode 8 where she would be strangled to death by a perp who didn't like her 'tude as Liv and El sat back and let her do their job because she said that they were incompetent and she could do it better.

Never in a million years could any of us have predicted the fuckery that was last week's episode...her own incompetence and weakness is what did her in! She tries to hit on El, she tries to hit on Liv. She tells Cap'n Cragen that acoholism is not a disease and then BOOYAH!! Epic meltdown and reputation lost.Christine, did you need the money that badly??? Can't you play the new Cardio-Thoracic Superstar Surgeon on Grey's Anatomy?? You would be perfect on that show!

The sad thing is I can't figure out if her acting truly sucked, or if that's how the character was purposely written in which case she gave a nuanced, critically-acclaimed performance. Gah! Also, please get Alex Cabot back stat form 'Albany'...or is she still 'stuck in traffic'? What.The.Fuck.

My brain hurts...L&O SVU...I Fucking Quit You.

Dazz

Chris O'Donnell You Are Officially Forgiven

I don't know about you, but I tend to hold grudges for a really long time. That redhead that cut in front of me in the milk line back in Pre-K? Yep, still hate her because of it. The cashier at the grocery store who refused to use the store card that they all keep at the register when I forgot mine? Yeah, fuck her, I still won't go to her even if she has the shortest line and it's been 4 years people!

I even hold grudges against celebrities for the perceived wrongs they have wrought against me. See below examples:

Prince - changing your name to that fucking symbol and then getting mad when we blessed you with the moniker TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known As Prince). You were forgiven when you reinvented yourself, regained your name and busted out the assless, lace-embellished yellow pantsuit.

Milli Vanilli - grudge still in effect. You frauds, I will never forgive you. I felt bad when Rob died, but I can never forget the fact that you made me love 'Girl You Know It's True' and then ripped my heart in two when it was revealed that that musical genius was not you.

Enrique Iglesias - The Removal Of The Mole. Nuff said.

James Patterson - For allowing the casting of Morgan Freeman as Alex Cross. Fuckery! My sister and I had been reading those Alex Cross novels and salivating over the sexy that was described and then when we heard that they had cast Morgan Fucking Freeman...fuck we didn't eat or sleep for days amid the wailing and the gnashing of teeth. Now I know a lot of you reading this are probably like Morgan Freeman is an excellent actor and he brought a lot to the role and besides James Patterson probably didn't have any say over the casting. Yeah yeah yeah Morgan Freeman is a phenomenal actor; I don't dispute that. What I have a problem with is that when you read the book and a character is described a certain way, that's how you see them in your head as you read , when you get inside the character. I'm picturing a tall beautiful brother, a sexy, suave, sensuous intellectual and you give me Morgan Fucking Freeman??? Uh, does not compute. Also, as the owner of the Alex Cross novels you bet your ass James Patterson had a say in the casting; what the fuck was he thinking giving a thumbs up to Freeman??? It's akin to casting Shia LaBeouf as Edward Cullen! See, I saw you all throw up in your mouths at that. It just does not compute!


Tom Clancy- For allowing the casting of Ben Affleck as Jack Ryan in the Sum Of All Fears. What.The.Fuck???!!! Alec Baldwin as Jack Ryan? Fuck Yes; the Hunt For Red October is the best of the Jack Ryan films and easily one of my favorite movies. Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan? Hells Yeah, he kicked ass in Patriot Games against Sean Bean (one of the most under-rated actors ever, IMO). I don't think that we would ever have seen the Jason Bourne novels on screen if not for the Jack Ryan movies. But Ben Fucking Affleck as Jack Ryan?? What bet did somebody lose that this fuckery was allowed? See above point on James Patterson/Alex Cross.

But perhaps the biggest most extreme grudge that I have been holding for the past...wait for it...TWELVE YEARS is against Chris O'Donnell for his part in the FUCKERY that was Batman&Robin. As a fan of Batman from back in the day watching the Adam West Burt Ward TV Series and collecting the comics, watching the characters brought to life on the big screen was nerve wracking, I mean, the actors playing Batman ran the gamut, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Cloon...I can't even finish typing that it gives me hives just thinking about him in that role. The movie was awful, the plot rubbish, the acting horrendous, the costumes ridiculously anatomically improbable and Chris looked embarrassed at his own behavior. Have you ever been to a movie when you cringed and felt bad for every actor as they played their roles? That's how I felt; Arnold Schwarzenegger, George You Know Who, Chris, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, I cringed as each of them delivered some of the cheesiest, tritest drivel ever uttered. Not even Jim Carrey's Riddler could have saved this movie. This movie was so bad that it took them EIGHT FUCKING YEARS to bring the franchise back to its former glory with Batman Begins.

So, I held that grudge against Chris all these years. He started redeeming himself when he played 'McVet' on S2 and S3 of Grey's Anatomy and delivered one of the most dramatic romantic lines of all time to Mer about Der; "He'll break your heart again, and when he does, I won't be here". How's that for a character's exit line?? Bravo.

It wasn't until last night's episode of NCIS:Los Angeles that I completely absolved him of all things B&R related. This character that he plays G. Callen is one of the most subtly nuanced characters I have seen on Network TV in a long time. There is so much roiling around under his surface and I wait with bated breath each week to learn everything there is to know. First off, he's an orphan. He has no official first name; it's just a letter 'G'. Are you with me so far? He may have gotten involved with gangs in his youth before going into the service. He is a lone wolf, highly independent and a chameleon. What is endearing is that every week we get another snippet into his psyche, we see a little bit of who makes up Callen. Last week's epi where he told Heddy that he doesn't know what the G stands for that it was just G, was so poignant and sad; even Heddy felt it. She keeps dropping gems to him to make him see his 'situation' as a positive and not negative. We never pity him, we empathize with him. We see his close friendship with Sam as the older brother/best friend who he knows will ALWAYS have his back.

This week Nate the Psychologist (The Weakest Link on this show, can we Auf him NOW, please?) kept going on and on with his wannabe profile of their target and all of the negatives he was mentioning for the target were things that G had experienced and he kept throwing Callen the side-eye as he was talking like he was saying 'yeah, I'm talking about you Callen'. Yeah, Nate, as Callen and Sam summarized, ya got 'diddly squat'.

So, Chris because of this subtle, redeeming character of G. Callen, you are officially forgiven and we shall never again speak of your outlandishly laughable, anatomically ridiculous codpiece in that godawful dreck known as Batman&Robin.

Dazz

Grey's Anatomy Is On Life Support

As much as I used to love this show, even I have to admit that it is going downhill, FAST.

Things I liked:

I actually have to think hard about this as nothing immediately jumped out at me.

George O'Malley is dead. Yeah, I said it and you know I'm right.

Izzie losing the wig. It was stupid and looked like shit and was fooling no-one.

Cristina and Owen making progress in therapy and their relationship; they both deserve some happiness.


Things I loathed:

The Seattle Grace/Mercy West Hospital Merger. I guess Shonda realized that she had painted herself into a corner and just decided to bring the drama with a whole new major story-line that would be 'ripped from the headlines'; layoffs, economic crisis, yadda yadda yadda. Is it bad that I really don't care? Except for the fact that we lost some good people (the interns and that one nurse who slept with Alex back in the day) I could give a shit about this story arc. Michael K. was right, you know IN THIS ECONOMY...All we need now is a rich, charismatic Jewish Financier to embezzle all of the Doctors' money and their 401Ks. Shonda, stick to writing for your medical show and let the L&O writers continue to write their 'ripped from the headlines' fare; it works for them. For you not so much. Contrived, much?

Derek Shepherd/Richard Webber potential coup story-line. FAIL; neither of them is very good at the office politics. The one good thing about this whole story was seeing Mitch Pilleggi (Agent Skinner from the X-Files), good to see him doing actual work instead of doing cheesy ass voice-overs for a show where the masked magician outs his own tricks and then himself.

Miranda Bailey in Peeds...does not compute; bring back the Nazi.

Arizona. Please get rid of this 'diarrhea of the mouth, is my girlfriend a lesbian, is my girlfriend my girlfriend' horribly acted character.

Callie's whole story arc. She as a whiny, indecisive, insecure lesbian is so embarrassingly cliche and cringe-worthy. Where is the strong woman of the past? Her character has been the most poorly written one for a few seasons now.

Mer/Der 'post-it wedding, we are fucking like newlyweds' storyline. It sucked, still sucks and will continue to suck.

Lexipedia. Mark Sloane can do better; he deserves better. Callie is bi-sexual; let's get her back with Mark, STAT!

The Thatcher/liver transplant storyline; don't care about him but way to 'open the door' to a forced relationship between Mer and her father. *Eye-roll*

The cut interns...which one was Megan, the rotund Hispanic one? Who the hell knew that she was married to the 'constantly-startled' intern and that they are about to have a kid? Sucks for them.

Callie's tantrum and defection to Mercy West which has now been merged with Seattle Grace and now the Chief gave her her old job back story arc...totally PATHETIC and uh POINTLESS!

Owen letting himself be drawn in by Izzie's 'everybody is a potential cancer miracle like me' unrealistic, decision not based in medicine, enthusiasm shtick. Cringe-worthy...and after the patient dies (depriving him and his fiancee and family months of togetherness) she tells the fiancee to check the mouth-guard container where she will find the ring that he was about to propose to her with which will undoubtedly make her even more mournful and depressed and more prone to committing suicide to be with her love. Yeah, so thanks for that Iz and shame on you Owen for agreeing to do the surgery against your better judgment just because you pity Izzie.


Cristina and the Peeds rotation. FAIL. Embarrassing. At this point I want the entire Peeds rotation off the fucking show; get rid of Arizona. I am willing to invoke the SoDC; there are no sick kids, so a Peeds unit is therefore not needed. Problem Fucking solved!

The hysterical laughing at George's funeral. So after the 'confirmation by freckle-analysis' that Lexie is an idiot and John Doe was definitely O'Malley, they have George's funeral where the Final Four cackle like hyenas at his death, mode of death etc. I understand that grief brings out weird behavior, but even I am not a heartless bitch and could totally see that this was a not so subtle swipe at Totally Retarded Knight by Shonda. Methinks that TRK will be the one laughing after Grey's gets the axe.

Alex/Izzie...it was sweet when she was at death's door but it is irritating now. The bear thing was funny though. I was rooting for the bear.

The Mark/Callie 'hallway of inappropriateness'. I love this close relationship that the ex-fuck buddies have and if it annoys Lexipedia, then I am all for it. Carry On.

The approaching Battle Royale between the residents and attendings of Seattle Grace and Mercy West. Somehow I know they're going to drag that shit out for most of the season. Maybe Arizona will lose out to the far more superior, less talkative bizarro Mercy West version? One can only hope.

Wait A Minute..hold the fucking phone. How the fuck did the Chief get an okay from the Board for the merger between Seattle Grace and Mercy West when the same Board was preparing to oust him in a coup for Der to take over?? Invoke the SoDC. Nuff said.

Is KH fucking Shonda?? This is the only explanation as to why the most obnoxious actress on that show continues to get the choiciest, meatiest, most though-provoking, empathetic, tear-inducing story-arcs!! As much as I dislike KH as the person she comes across as being in the media (ungrateful, entitled, bitchy, selfish, whiny and deluded) she acts the hell out of the material she's given even when it's shittily written. Was she right when she said that she was given shit material to act with in the past? YES! I mean for Christ's sake they had her perform mouth to mouth on a fucking deer and loudly and quite enthusiastically fuck her dead ex-fiance!! She had to have fallen out of favor hard with Shonda to have that storyline foisted upon her. Was she right for airing her feelings in public, criticizing the writers and removing her name for Emmy consideration? NO! Those moves will come back to bite you in the ass Katie. Remember you still hold the record of having the lowest grossing movie IN HISTORY! Despite all of the controversies, though, she is still one of the better actresses on the show (Bailey and Cristina are the best by far) and watching her every week, you cannot help but be invested in Izzie's storylines even if I DID want the bear to eat her.

BTW, Alex is the Weakest Link (That show was the birthplace of snark, Anne Robinson, I bow to Thee) of The Final Four. His acting is horrible and he is no longer hawt.

I miss Dr. Preston Burke. Yes, I fucking said it. I can't help but think that if he were still around that this show would be more classy, less contrived (post-it wedding...SERIOUSLY??!) and less meh.

This show is no longer 'Must-See TV' for me; it has been relegated to 'record to DVR to watch at a later date when I'm bored' status. Oh how the mighty have fallen. This show is definitely on life support and I see the next season being its last before ABC cancels it.

Dazz

The Departure Of The Muse

...my Muse has left me. I have not been able to write anything in almost 2 weeks. This is so aggravating!

There is so much left to tell:

Don and Edward and their tentative friendship that blossoms into love.

Brian and Dani; there is so much sex in both their futures!

Eric and Sookie - the Viking Vamp has admitted his love for the Telepath; what now?

The problem with the Departure of the Muse is that I am having doubts about the stories that I originally set out to tell. Do I stick to the plan or do I see the Departure of the Muse as an opportunity/reason to deviate? Is the Departure a good thing then? FUCK!!!!!

Dazz

Divas? Not So Much.

So, Divas...I know that they are trying to move away from the 'so-called negative' connotation of this word...but guess what? Aretha Franklin? Original Diva! Donna Summer? Diva! Celine Dion? Diva! Mariah Carey? Diva! Whitney Houston? Diva! Bette Midler? Diva! Barbra Streisand? Diva! Mary J. Blige? Diva! Miley Fucking Cyrus??? Uh, how do I say this delicately...HELL NO! What was VH1 thinking? I could see Leona Lewis, Adele, Jennifer Hudson and Kelly Clarkson being at that level years from now as long as their careers have the longevity and success I think they will. Alicia Keys? Diva! (Where was she?) P!nk? Definite Diva! (Where the fuck was she VH1, did you not experience this chick's voice and performance at the VMAs?) It kills me that they would have Jordin Sparks who won American Idol and then was dropped by her record company on this show, but no P!ink! What.The.Fuck.

That said, the performances were okay, if I had to say I would pick JHud, Kelly and Adele as having the best performances. Bottom line there was no one on tonight's roster who qualifies as a Diva...yet.

To Paula Abdul, if this was the best gig that you could get after AI, then I kinda feel bad for you. Somehow, I'm hoping that them letting you go and hiring Ellen as your replacement is still a big fake-out publicity stunt and you will be back in the judge's chair for the AI season premiere.

To Cheryl Crowe, how the fuck do you let Miley Fucking Cyrus out-sing you on your own fucking song? Travesty, I am so unchecking your songs on my IPod.

By far the best performance of the night: Kelly Clarkson and Melissa Etheridge! Their voices together; fucking amazing!

If I had to put this show together here's what my line-up would be:

P!nk
Alicia Keys
Bette Midler
Melissa Etheridge
Syleena Johnson (Google her, this chick has a wicked voice! Check out her CD The Voice)
Toni Braxton (she's still got the pipes!)
Celine Dion
Mary J. Blige

Dazz